My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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