Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
