Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
