What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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