epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
