Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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