I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
