Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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