I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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