Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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