i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
