this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize