i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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