K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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