Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
so much tequila, so little girl.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
