I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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