OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
