Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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