we should wear snuggies to the strip club
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
