# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
