i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
