i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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