that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
