He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
