hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
