I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
