apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
