dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
