I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
