My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
