Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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