We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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