I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
