you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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