I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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