Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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