His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
