____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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