you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
