I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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