You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
