i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
