there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
