Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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