apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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