The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
