He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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