Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
