just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize