he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
