so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
