You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
