you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
