haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
