i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
