You're completely useless in the revolution.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize