im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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