i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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