I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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