I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
