I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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