so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I can't turn off my feet"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
