'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
