But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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