If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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