thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
