just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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