she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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