ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
