The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
