these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
