you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
